Yami Bonding Time
by Random Thoughts
Summary: Ryou and Yugi decide to get their yamis together to be, um, friends? Oh, yeah, like this'll work. Thank you everyone who's R&R'd thus far!
1. Book Discussions

A/N: This idea just kind of came to me as I was mulling over my new obsession, Yu-Gi-Oh. It's really weird, yes. That means you must review! Why? I don't know. I must tell you now, as well, o reader, that this fic has, within it, slight yaoi, 'cause I like the Yami/hikari pairings. Not a romance fic, but they're definitely together. Also, Marik=Yami Marik, Malik=the other one.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh and I don't own, um, anything else, either. Wow, that depresses me.  
  
The main premise of this story is that Ryou and Yugi are trying to make their yamis be friends-or at least not mortal enemies. First, they've started a book discussion group, and they'll do something different every time until the yamis are friends-or until they're all dead. They've brought Marik and Malik in, too, because the authoress likes them. So ha.  
  
Yugi and Ryou were just realizing that they were both crazy. "Yugi, I'm not sure if this was a good idea," Ryou whispered.  
  
"Me neither," Yugi admitted, surveying the scene before them. His yami was alternately glaring at Bakura and Marik, as though he couldn't decide which he hated more. Marik was poking Bakura with the Millennium Rod. Malik was rolling his eyes.  
  
Just then, Bakura decided he'd had enough. He grabbed Marik's hand and squeezed. "You touch me one more time, and I'll break more than your hand."  
  
Marik sneered and calmly extricated his hand. "Ha. You couldn't, idiot."  
  
The two spirits glared at each other, and Yami glared at both of them.  
  
"Um, maybe we should start," Yugi suggested unenthusiastically.  
  
"Yes," agreed Ryou.  
  
Yugi cleared his throat. "The first meeting of the book discussion group is going to start now, okay?"  
  
Marik sneered again (something he was really good at) and said, "What if it's not okay? Will you cry?"  
  
Yami's belt knife (something Yugi could not stop him from carrying) was at Marik's throat. "Say another word to him and I will kill you."  
  
"No, Yami, it's all righ-" Yugi started, but it was too late. Malik rushed to defend his yami, expertly carrying out some sort of karate move that flipped the Pharaoh over, and removed the knife from Marik's neck.  
  
Bakura had been watching with amusement, and now he burst out laughing hysterically. He almost fell off of his chair.  
  
"Bakura, it's not funny!" Ryou said indignantly.  
  
"Yes it is, hikari," Bakura corrected, catching him by the arm. "Come sit by me, Ryou, instead of by the Pharaoh's brat boy."  
  
Ryou pulled away indignantly. "You're being impossible!"  
  
Bakura laughed once more. "That's why you love me isn't it?"  
  
Ryou sighed and returned to his original seat on the couch. Yugi had pulled the other three apart, and was standing between Yami and his opponents.  
  
"Everybody!" Yugi shouted. "Sit down! Yami, don't kill anyone! You either, Marik, Malik. We started this book club so we could get to know each other better, not so we could fight!"  
  
*No killing for you, either,* Ryou silently informed Bakura.  
  
**Oh, you are no fun, hikari** Bakura replied. **Fine, no killing for me.**  
  
Yugi surveyed the room again. This time, the outlook was more hopeful. Bakura only looked sulky, and Marik's arm was possessively around Malik, who had apparently sustained several bruises. Yami was looking half like a scolded puppy, and half like an imperious pharaoh, but at least he wasn't shooting dirty looks at anyone.  
  
"All right then," said Yugi, trying to sound cheerful. "The book for this week is Moby Dick. How many of you read the book like you were supposed to?"  
  
Marik said, "Not me. I can't read English."  
  
Malik looked indignant. "Yes you can! I taught you, idiot!"  
  
Marik replied, "Fine. I read the first two sentences, and I thought it was stupid. 'Call me Ishmael'?"  
  
Yami looked slightly abashed and glanced apologetically at Yugi. "I didn't read it, either."  
  
Yugi groaned. "My own yami! What were you doing all week?"  
  
"Contemplating the mysteries of life?" Yami offered, then shut up as Yugi sighed and looked disgusted. Marik snickered.  
  
"I read it," said Malik. "I thought it was stupid, too."  
  
Bakura leaned back, and said smugly, "I read the whole thing."  
  
Ryou and Yugi looked absolutely astonished. "The whole thing?" Ryou asked in shock. "You didn't!"  
  
Bakura stretched lazily and said, "Well, after stealing it from Borders I might as well have read it, right?"  
  
Ryou shook his head. "This isn't a book stealing club, it's a book discussion club, 'Kura!"  
  
"At least I did better than the Pharaoh," Bakura answered, still looking like the cat who caught the canary. "Hahaha."  
  
Malik said, "At least no one else will be imprisoned for petty theft."  
  
Yugi glanced at Ryou. "Ryou, I don't think this is working."  
  
Ryou replied, "You're telling me." After the snicker from Marik, Yami had begun beating him over the head with the Millennium Puzzle. "Take that! And that! And that! I am Pharaoh, fool!"  
  
Malik was not coming to his yami's defense because Bakura was strangling him. "Idiot," Bakura hissed. "Don't mess with me! Petty theft! I'll have you know that I am not petty, nor will ever be!"  
  
Malik started croaking out the words to an Egyptian death spell.  
  
"Hey!" Ryou exclaimed, tackling Malik. "None of that!"  
  
Bakura smirked. "Thank you, hikari."  
  
"You either," Ryou reproved him. "No strangling!"  
  
"Next week," said Yugi despairingly, "we do something slightly less dangerous!"  
  
A/N: So, how was it? I could use suggestions for 'bonding activities', if you have any. REVIEW or else! 


	2. Bowling, part one

A/N: Sorry this next chapter took so long! I was denied Internet access for awhile.but no need to go into that. I will be updating more frequently from now on! Thank you all for your great suggestions; I'm going to use them all unless I suddenly get hit by a bus or something! This week, the yamis and hikaris are going bowling! The way I'm picking what comes next is by pointing randomly at one of my reviews, by the way. Scientific, no?  
  
YAOI WARNING! READ THIS!-Because I got a question about whether this is yaoi or not, I will answer it. This story does, indeed, contain very mild yaoi. Mild as in, nothing more serious than kissing. If you don't like yaoi, then don't read this. The pairings are: Yami/Yugi, Marik/Malik, and Bakura/Ryou. If I ever seem biased towards one of the couples and focus on them a lot, it's probably just that chapter, and the next chapter will switch the focus.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, but you probably knew that. I wonder if the creator of Yu-Gi-Oh could come on here and write this stuff without the disclaimer. Probably so. Hmm, I should have thought of it first.  
  
Yugi looked at Bakura with an expression of confusion on his face, then turned to Ryou. "What's he doing?" he asked. "Bakura's already got a seventeen pound bowling ball. Why is he looking for a heavier one?"  
  
Ryou half laughed, half grimaced. "Oh, that. The only way I could get him here was to hint that the point of the game was to hit the Pharaoh. Sorry," he added, as Yugi started to look indignant. "Yugi, where is Yami, anyway? And Marik?" Both of them looked around wildly.  
  
"Oh," said Yugi, sighing with relief. "They're still getting shoes."  
  
"Or something," Ryou replied. "Actually, it sounds like they're arguing with the man at the counter."  
  
"Uh-oh," said Yugi nervously, tapping into his soul link.   
  
The last was spoken pleadingly.  
  
=Stupid clown shoes,= Marik added, impolitely intruding on their connection. =And they must be bad, for me to agree with him.=  
  
Yugi said in a flash of inspiration.   
  
The man at the counter was looking worried. First these weirdos argued about how dumb the bowling shoes looked, and then they just stood there silently for almost a minute. He was considering phoning the police, when Marik doubled over with laughter that sounded quite maniacal.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha! Velcro! Oh, that's good! Ha ha!" The man eyed him warily and decided to just back away slowly. Yami then proceeded to whack Marik with his left shoe.  
  
"Ooookay," Yugi said aloud. "Try to keep an eye on Bakura and Malik, Ryou. I'm going to go-um-help Yami."  
  
"Good idea," Ryou agreed. "Malik's been at that touch screen for a while. When he's this quiet for this long." he trailed off as he contemplated the possibilities.  
  
Yugi marched to the counter, and bodily dragged his yami away (not that Yami would ever much resist the smaller boy). Marik was still in convulsions over the Velcro, but at least he willingly put on his shoes.  
  
Ryou, in the meantime, was frantically talking to Malik. "You have to change the names! Yami and Bakura will kill you!"  
  
"Hey," Malik objected. "None of you were entering the names. I just took the liberty of, ah, helping out."  
  
Just then, Yugi, Yami, and Marik came into reading distance. "Uh-oh," Yugi said again. "Pharaoh's Brat!" Yami cried furiously. "And Idiot Faroh? You had better not mean us, tomb keeper!"  
  
Malik grinned and ignored Yami's ranting. Marik, who had finally stopped laughing at the Velcro, smiled wider than his hikari. "Pharaoh Marik? I like that," he approved. "And Prince Malik. Oh, yes, quite fitting." They both snickered.  
  
Ryou ran to where Bakura had finally found the heaviest bowling ball available, one that weighed twenty two pounds. "'Kura, I don't think you should go over there," Ryou warned him. Bakura stared suspiciously at the lane where Marik and Malik were in fits of hysterical laughter, and Yugi was trying to keep Yami away from them.  
  
"What have those two blonde morons done now?" he sneered, attempting to go and find out. Ryou tried to hold him back, but he was no match for Bakura's greater size and strength. The white-haired yami gently (for him) pushed his hikari out of the way.  
  
"Yami, don't go over there!" Ryou exclaimed, tackling Bakura and knocking him to the floor, sending the bowling ball rolling. At that moment, a woman with three children walked into the alley, and hastily backed out, telling her kids, "Why don't we get ice cream instead?"  
  
Bakura smirked at Ryou, who was on the floor next to him. "Football is definitely not your strong suit," he commented. He easily picked the boy up, set him on his feet, and got to his own in one smooth motion. "Although I usually wouldn't mind lying next to you, I believe I may be about to kill a certain tomb keeper."  
  
"Oh, excellent," Ryou muttered. "It'll be on the news. 'Carnage in the Bowling Alley'. Details at ten."  
  
Yami had gotten past Yugi by tickling him, something the boy was extremely sensitive to. Of course, it had put the Pharaoh in a better mood, however, especially when Yugi then looked up at him with puppy-dog eyes. "Yami, please be nice?" he said. "I want us to have a good time."  
  
Yami looked from the duo of Marik and Malik to his hikari. It wasn't a difficult decision. "Of course, little Yugi," he said, picking him up. Yugi beamed at him, then saw what was over Yami's shoulder. "Ohhh, no."  
  
Bakura was as mad as any of them had ever seen him. He was having a hard time speaking. He glared so hard at Marik and Malik that Ryou thought they would explode. Part of him hoped they actually would explode, because that would clear the mess up nicely.  
  
Bakura finally managed coherent speech. "You put my name as LaraCroftTombRaider?! I will kill you both! DIE, fools!"  
  
Marik hastily reached for the Millennium Rod, but it was too late. Bakura grabbed the closest bowling ball and threw it at him.  
  
"Hey!" Ryou protested. "'Kura, don't! Ow!" Malik, who had jumped out of the way, ran right into him.  
  
"Now you've injured my hikari!" Bakura yelled. "You will pay!"  
  
"I'm not hurt-" Ryou began.  
"You said 'ow'," Bakura told him. "You're hurt. Now they will DIE!"  
  
Suddenly they all froze, with the exception of Yami and Yugi. Yami's hand was out, casting some sort of spell-what, Yugi didn't know.  
  
"My hikari wants us to have a good time," Yami said calmly. "Now, you must all STOP. Let's play this game of bowling. Then you may kill each other if you want. All right?"  
  
"Um, Yami, they can't answer if they're, um, frozen like that," Yugi pointed out.  
  
"Good point." Yami allowed them all head movement. "Do you agree that we will come to a truce for now?"  
  
Malik nodded toward Bakura. "He started it!"  
  
"I don't care," Yami said. "Do you agree or not? I could leave you there for a very long time."  
  
"Fine," Malik said sullenly. Marik nodded.  
  
"And you, tomb robber?" Yami asked.  
  
Bakura looked very angry. "If they change that ridiculous name!"  
  
"I will," Ryou assured him. Ryou was stuck too, mostly because he'd been standing right there.  
  
"I agree, then," Bakura said with an exaggerated sigh.  
  
A/N: This is going to be a two-part chapter, because I got two reviews suggesting bowling. Sorry to cut it off, but I'll write the rest soon! Please review if you're reading this! 


	3. Bowling, part two

A/N: I would just like to thank all the people who reviewed! I'll probably thank everyone by name in my next chapter, because right now I just looked up all my reviewers' names from my other story, and I have 51 reviews on that.anyway, um, my point is, I'm lazy as heck right now. Also, I wanted to say that I might have 'guest characters' in some chapters, not this one, but if you have a favorite character you can request that they come in at some point. Oh, and I'm not putting yaoi warnings in any further chapters, because if you've read this far you're probably fine with it.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Yuugioh (I decided I like it spelled that way), it would be a bit different than what it is now. In other words, it's not mine, even though the little voice in my head says so. See? There it goes again! Btw, yes, I am CRAZY.  
  
Bowling, part two  
  
"Can we play the game now?" Bakura asked eagerly. Yami, Marik, and Malik all stared at him. They had apparently figured the Tomb Robber would be in a worse mood after the Pharaoh's little trick.  
  
Yugi and Ryou glanced at each other. They knew why Bakura was so happy. "Ryou, should I warn Yami that Bakura's going to try to kill him with a bowling ball?" Yugi whispered.  
  
The white-haired boy looked slightly stressed out. It was very difficult to control one homicidal yami, much less three of them plus Malik. "What? Oh, sorry, Yugi. I suppose you ought to, but 'Kura won't be happy at all." He paused for a moment. "Of course, he might prefer a moving target anyway. Then again, Yami might send him to the Shadow Realm first." Ryou sighed. "This is hard."  
  
Yugi looked at him sympathetically. At least Yami was capable of acting in a sane manner. Ryou's yami didn't appear to have a sane bone in his body. "Sorry, Ryou," Yugi said, then decided to try to lighten the mood. "At least if they kill each other, we won't have any problems," he joked. "We can actually go places together without deciding whether we want to see bloodshed or not!"  
  
Ryou smiled. "That might be nice. I'm thankful that Malik didn't have time to enter my name in the computer, though." He shuddered at the thought. "He'd probably have called me 'wimp' or something like that, and then Bakura would've had twice the motivation for murder."  
  
"Hurry it up," the Tomb Robber suddenly called out irritably. Ryou and Yugi both looked at him, but he was talking to Yami. "You don't need this long to pick a ball."  
  
"You took that long," Ryou reminded him. Bakura turned to him and winked. "Yes, but after my first turn, he might need a lighter one, anyway." He looked confused for a moment. "If we're trying to knock him down, what's he trying to do?"  
  
"Um." Ryou thought for a minute. "Er."  
  
"He's trying to knock Marik over!" Yugi said cheerfully.  
  
"Ah." Bakura nodded as though this explained everything and walked away.  
  
Ryou looked at Yugi questioningly. The shorter boy shrugged and grinned mischievously. "I figured they were going to cause trouble, anyway. We might as well have some fun!"  
  
Ryou watched his yami take a seat by the small table in front of the lane they were on. "I wonder how long it will take 'Kura to figure out that someone would be trying to knock him over in a game like that?" Then his question was answered as Bakura smiled evilly and punched Marik hard in the arm.  
  
"Yami, stop that!" Ryou cried, jumping to help Marik, whose hikari, unfortunately, got the wrong idea. Malik knocked Ryou over. Bakura, of course, got even angrier.  
  
"How about we just sneak away now?" Yami suggested to Yugi from behind his shoulder. "They would not notice."  
  
"No, Yami!" said Yugi determinedly. "We're going to bowl!"  
  
"Why did you punch me?" Marik shouted angrily.  
  
"It's your throwing arm," Bakura stated cryptically.  
  
"Trying to sabotage us, are you, Lara?" Malik screeched. "Just because you couldn't knock those pins down to save your life-"  
  
"Wait," said Marik. "Pins? I thought we were trying to hit the Pharaoh!"  
  
"No, I am," Bakura corrected. "You're trying to hit me, obviously! Why else would I hit you? Well, aside from the fact that you're obnoxious, insane, and blonde. Plus the fact that you hit Ryou!!"  
  
"Hey!" Malik protested. "Blonde is better than white!"  
  
"Maybe I should hit you again," Bakura mused.  
  
"Wait," said Yugi to Malik. "Did you tell Marik that he was supposed to hit Yami?"  
  
Malik shrugged. "Yeah, why?"  
  
"That's the same thing Ryou told Bakura!" said Yugi, sounding a bit mad. "Are you all trying to kill Yami?"  
  
"Sorry, Yugi," Ryou said sheepishly.  
  
"Yes, we are trying to kill him!" Bakura added.  
  
"Absolutely," Marik agreed, making as if to throe the ball at the Pharaoh.  
  
"The point of this game is to hit the pins," Yugi cried. "not my yami! You throw the ball down the lane and try to hit as many pins as possible!" He demonstrated, sending the ball straight down the middle, earning him a strike.  
  
"You throw better when you're angry," Marik observed. "But I think I see an easier way to do that." Before anyone could stop him, he walked rapidly down the lane and simply dropped the ball on the pins, knocking them all down.  
  
"No, this is easier," said Bakura, the Millennium Ring beginning to glow.  
  
Everyone within a mile radius heard the following explosion.  
  
Yugi was in a state of shock. All he could do was stare straight ahead. "Yugi?" Yami ventured. "Hikari, are you all right?"  
  
"Oh, yes, I'm fine," he answered. "Yami, were there an awful lot of maniacs in ancient Egypt?"  
  
"Well," said Yami cautiously, not sure what his hikari would do. "There were some, of course. But not everyone."  
  
"Oh, good," said Yugi. "We were just lucky, then, getting two of them. Sooooo lucky," he repeated, looking slightly demented.  
  
Ryou was very, very angry. "Now we can never bowl there again, and it's the only alley in Domino!!" Bakura appeared puzzled. "Why would you want to? Half the lanes are ruined anyway."  
  
"AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!" the normally calm Ryou screeched. "YOU ruined them! YOU blew them up, THAT"S why they're ruined! You are going to sleep on the couch-no THE PORCH tonight!!" He grabbed his yami by the ear and dragged him to their car, the Tomb Robber protesting all the way.  
  
"Don't worry, brat," said Malik to Yugi. Yami's eyes glinted dangerously, but he left the blonde boy alone. "We paid for everything, remember?" he laughed.  
  
"Yes," said Yugi glumly, "with gold statues straight from Egypt."  
  
"What's wrong with that?" Marik asked, bewildered. "It was more than enough."  
  
"Yes, most people carry around ten pounds of gold in their pockets," said Yugi conversationally.  
  
"Come on, let's go," said Malik, taking Marik's hand.  
  
~~That was fun,~~ Marik commented, grinning down at Malik.  
  
~Yes it was,~ Malik agreed with a smile of his own.  
  
"Next time, we're not going out in public," Yugi announced to Yami. "Or maybe we'll never go out in public again."  
  
"That sounds better and better," Yami said. "And next time, let's not invite the Tomb Robber."  
  
A/N: Ta-da! There's the second half of bowling for you! Did you like it? Was it good? Lousy? Review and tell me! Flames will aid my pyromaniac tendencies!! 


	4. ACamping We Will Go

A/N: YAY! Another chapter! I can't believe it! I only have three chapters, and I've got-um-a LOT of reviews! You like my story! I'm soooooooooooooooooo happy!! ^__________^ Oh, by the way, a note to I luv Kai (who asked a question), Malik is the hikari, Marik is the yami, at least in here. Also, the reason I'm doing camping is mostly Senshican14's fault.just had to mention fire to me (muahahaha! FIRE! Ahem). Now, since he blew up the bowling alley last chapter, Bakura's going to do the disclaimer! Yay!  
  
Disclaimer by the one and only spirit of the Millennium Ring: This is stupid. I can't believe she's making me do this! You did the disclaimers on the last chapters. Are you just lazy now, o idiotic fanfiction author? Author: You bet! Lazy! Now do the disclaimer. Bakura: Fine. Nothing in this story belongs to this moron. Not Yu-Gi-Oh, or any of the characters, thank Ra. Author: Sorry! I'm more sugar high this time than most times! I made the mistake of eating Alpha-Bits for breakfast, and then I ate some Skittles and some Sour Skittles and some gum and some chocolate-I don't own Skittles, either, by the way. Now, on to what is not just random typing by me! Bakura: Stupid, stupid, stupid.  
  
Yugi gazed out over the mountains. Nice, beautiful, relaxing, secluded mountains. No one else around for miles. Just tranquility.  
  
"No, that's not how you do it!" Malik's screech broke the silence. "You idiot!"  
  
"I know how to put up a tent!" Yami shouted back. "I was Pharaoh of a desert country, for Ra's sake! Nomads with tents everywhere!"  
  
Yugi considered taking off at a run, right there and then, and becoming a hermit. No crazy spirits around him anymore. Yugi Moto's cheerful disposition had been severely strained since the bowling incident.  
  
"Um, Yugi?" Ryou interrupted his thoughts. "Bakura still won't get out of the car."  
  
"Oh," Yugi replied. "Um, good?"  
  
Ryou laughed. "Maybe. I'm a little worried, actually. He's been behaving really, really nicely this past week."  
  
"Well, as long as he's not wreaking havoc, we should probably go help with the tents," Yugi suggested.  
  
Ryou looked past Yugi and saw Malik, Marik, and Yami struggling with the tents. "Oh, for goodness sake," he said exasperatedly. "They're those tents that just unfold by themselves. They don't need tent pegs or rope!"  
  
Yugi giggled. He demonstrated in his mind.  
  
Yami blew him a mental kiss. He then announced to the Manic Duo, "You just need to undo this Velcro here, and it will work."  
  
"Velcro!" Marik still couldn't hear the word without screaming with laughter. "Hahaha!"  
  
Yami snatched the Millennium Rod and smacked him with it. "Hey!" Malik objected.  
  
"I apologize." Yami didn't look very remorseful, and he was still holding the Millennium Rod.  
  
"Give it back," Marik demanded.  
  
"Muahahahahaha! Make me!' Yami caroled, hitting Malik on the arm.  
  
"What's going on?" Ryou whispered to Yugi, surprised by the Pharaoh's-er- odd behavior.  
  
"He's been a bit off since the bowling alley," Yugi replied, watching his yami's antics. "I was depressed for a while, and he started trying to cheer me up, and, well, he started getting-uh-unpredictable. I'm not sure if he knew he had a sense of humor before. He definitely doesn't know how to use his sense of humor."  
  
"I banish you to the Shadow Realm!" Yami cried, pointing the Rod at a snail. Of course, it didn't work. "You should be bowing before me," he informed a bewildered Marik and Malik. "See?! SEE!? My snail is bowing!!"  
  
Yugi suddenly 'shouted' through their soul link.  
  
"Here," Yami said, handing the Millennium Rod back to Marik, who eyed him suspiciously before taking it. he queried Yugi.   
  
All of a sudden, Yugi doubled up with laughter. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" Ryou looked at him nervously. "Um, Yugi?" Yugi tried to answer, but he was laughing too hard.  
  
Oh, great, thought Ryou. I'm stuck in the mountains with two people who might be mentally unstable, and three who definitely are.  
  
"Crazy," Malik commented, staring at Yami.  
  
"Definitely," Marik agreed. He brightened then. "When can we have a campfire? You said we would have a fire!"  
  
"Fire! Yes!" Malik exclaimed. "Fire is good! Let's go get some wood!" He and his yami practically skipped off, hand in hand, delighted by thoughts of flammable materials.  
  
Yugi was still laughing. So was Yami. Ryou sneaked away, not sure if this new development was good or bad. He walked over to the van they'd brought, and opened the passenger side door. Hmm, that's funny. I can't see him, Ryou thought. He started to call, "Baku-"  
  
At that moment, a pale hand reached out of the back seat and snatched Ryou, pulling him into the van. Ryou only managed a startled 'eep' when the door was pulled shut behind him.  
  
"Bakura!" Ryou said indignantly. "Are you crazy?"  
  
"No! I am the only sane one here, it seems!" Noticing his hikari's glare, he amended that statement. "Besides you, that is. Now, how do you start this thing?"  
  
Ryou looked blank. "Start it? But, yami-"  
  
"Don't worry, the rest of them can walk back," Bakura assured him. "But we are definitely not staying here! Sleeping on the ground." He shuddered. "I just rediscovered nice beds after five thousand years! I'm not giving them up now!"  
  
"Hmm." Ryou actually considered it for a minute. "Well-um-Wait! 'Kura, no! We can't leave!"  
  
"Fine," the Tomb Robber said sulkily. Then he grinned. "But we will sleep in the car, not on the ground."  
  
Ryou could only protest that one weakly. "But-"  
  
"No buts," Bakura informed him. "I like heating systems and man-made fabrics. I lived for a looooong time without them, and I won't give them up! It'll be cramped," he added thoughtfully, then smiled slyly. "But since you seem to like sleeping close."  
  
Ryou threw his hands up in despair (despite the fact that his yami was right), but didn't say anything. He certainly wouldn't mind sleeping in the nice, warm car.  
  
In the meantime, the slap-happy Yami and Yugi had calmed down. "Ryou must think we're turning into lunatics," Yugi told the taller boy.  
  
"No," Yami said airily. "With who he lives with? I think not."  
  
"You've got a point," Yugi admitted. Then, before they could discuss lunatics any further, they heard a high pitched scream from the woods.  
  
Yami and Yugi ran in the direction of the scream. "Maybe Marik and Malik ran into some other campers," Yugi panted.  
  
"That would explain the scream," Yami replied, not even breathing hard.  
  
But when they saw Marik and Malik, they saw it was not some poor female camper who had screamed. The screamer was still screaming, actually.  
  
"Marik?" Yugi asked in disbelief. For, indeed, it was Marik who was screaming in a way that, oddly enough, reminded Yugi of Tea.  
  
Malik was trying to calm his yami down. "It's fine, I won't let it get you," he was saying.  
  
"IT WAS RIGHT THERE!" Marik screeched. "IT WAS ON ME!!"  
  
"It's gone now," Malik assured him.  
  
"Wha-" Yugi asked in confusion. "Was it a wolf or something, Malik?"  
  
"Er, no," Malik answered, grasping Marik's hand. "He's got, ah, arachnophobia."  
  
Yami found this hysterically funny. "Hahahahahahaha! If you ever say anything evil to my hikari or myself again, Marik, I'll put a spider on you!" He twitched his fingers like a spider's legs.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!" Marik screamed again.  
  
"That wasn't nice, Yami," Yugi admonished him, trying to keep a straight face himself.  
  
"It's not funny!" Malik protested. ~Anyway, yami,~ he said silently to Marik, ~You could banish a spider to the Shadow Realm! Next time, you can do that!~  
  
Marik looked up, his eyes almost popping out of his head. "You're right, hikari!" He turned about wildly, and raised the Millennium Rod. "I hereby banish every spider-" he gave a faint scream, "-within a mile to the Shadow Realm!" There was a strange, echoing sound.  
  
"Oh, great," moaned Yugi. "Now we've probably destroyed the ecosystem."  
  
"I'll put them back," Yami said, smiling at Yugi. "But.later, perhaps. Or now.it was still on him, you know."  
  
"Yami," Yugi warned. The Pharaoh sighed. "Oh, fine." Then the two of them collapsed in fits of laughter, unable to hold back any longer. Marik gave a disdainful (also slightly embarrassed) sniff. Malik snorted, and hit Yami and Yugi both as he walked past. "Some people are just insensitive!"  
  
Ryou lit the fire with a package of matches. He wouldn't let anyone else have even one, ( Yugi commented to Yami) much to Marik's and Malik's dismay.  
  
The fire, of course, had lured Bakura out of the car. He, Marik, and Malik were staring into it, hypnotized.  
  
"Should we tell them we're eating s'mores?" Yugi asked Ryou.  
  
"Mpph," Yami said. Yugi and Ryou looked at him. He had stuffed as many toasted marshmallows into his mouth as he possibly could fit. To make himself understood, Yami shook his head violently.  
  
"Just don't say C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E," Ryou warned, spelling it out. "'Kura's a pyro, but he's an even bigger choco."  
  
Bakura's head snapped around. "Did someone spell chocolate?" he asked Ryou sweetly. Ryou handed him a piece. "MUAHAHAHAHA!" he cackled wildly around a mouthful.  
  
It then became a mutually acknowledged contest-could Yami eat more marshmallows than Bakura could eat bars of chocolate? Their hikaris looked on in a sort of horrified fascination as the sugar laden treats disappeared.  
  
*Later, in Marik and Malik's tent*  
  
"Good night, hikari," Marik whispered softly, blissfully unaware that Yami had returned the spiders to their proper places and that one was on his back.  
  
"Good night, yami," Malik whispered back. For people with hair that spiky, they were remarkably cuddly.  
  
*In Yugi and Yami's tent*  
  
"Good night, Yami," Yugi sighed.  
  
"WHENCANWEHAVEMOREMARSHMALLOWS?ILIKECHOCOLATEANDFIREANDESPECIALLYMARSHMALLOW SANDLOTSANDLOTSOFSUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yami replied, remarkably lucid, in Yugi's opinion, given the number of marshmallows he'd consumed.  
  
Yugi rolled over. At least Yami wasn't as bad as Mokuba.  
  
*Outside*  
  
"FIRE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE FIERY CHOCOLATE!"  
  
"There's no more chocolate," Ryou reminded Bakura wearily for the millionth time. He'd only kept the fire going so Bakura would have something to do. "No, yami! Don't light your hair on fire!"  
  
"FFFFFIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEE!" Bakura's voice echoed through the mountains.  
  
The next morning, they were all awakened by Marik screaming, "GET IT OFFFFFF!"  
  
Ryou and Yugi stared at each other, bleary eyed. They had slept for maybe half an hour, kept awake until the sugar passed through their yamis' systems.  
  
"Remind me never to do this again," Ryou told Yugi.  
  
A/N: You want to know something I just noticed? My dog's ears look just like Inu-Yasha's.I mean exactly the same. Interesting, no? For anyone who doesn't know, Inu-Yasha is one of the coolest manga things I've ever read. Read it. I mean it. Oh, and please leave a review on your way out (holds out a hat to put review in). I love sugar! 


	5. Board Games, part one

A/N: Yay! My fastest update time ever! It's all your lovely reviews that inspire me, you know! I have to say, thank you all so much! ^_________________^ There! An enormous smile, just for all my reviewers! I've decided that letting maniacs do my disclaimer is a weird idea, so heeeere's Marik! Disclaimer by the spirit of the Millennium Rod, who is better than Yami Bakura: Authoress: Hey, wait a minute! Marik (smirks evilly): I am better. Authoress: Are not! Marik: You want the disclaimer or not? Authoress: No! Now I'm going to do the disclaimer myself! I don't own Yu-Gi- Oh! I don't own anything in this story that's copyrighted! I don't own Microsoft or Jell-O either, although those aren't relevant! Marik: Bakura was right when he said you were stupid. Authoress: Thank you. Now, on to the story!  
  
Yugi studied the list in front of him carefully. "Hmm."  
  
Ryou asked him, "What do we have so far?"  
  
Yugi began to read off the items on the list: "Number One: No opportunity for any theft."  
  
"Sorry about that," Ryou sighed.  
  
"Number Two: No heavy objects," Yugi continued.  
  
"Definitely," Ryou agreed.  
  
"Number Four: No public places."  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes. "Right."  
  
"Number Five: No spiders." Ryou and Yugi both laughed.  
  
"Number Six: No food with sugar." This time, both the boys grimaced. They would never think of chocolate or marshmallows fondly again.  
  
"Number Seven: No fire," Ryou added with a pained frown. "'Kura's hair still smells like smoke."  
  
"Number Eight: No Velcro," Yugi said with a small smile.  
  
Ryou looked over Yugi's shoulder at the piece of paper. "Um, you know, Yugi, this pretty much limits us to sitting in an airless void."  
  
"Right," Yugi replied cheerfully. "Should I add that to our list of possible activities?"  
  
"Hey, wait, I know! We all like Duel Monsters, right? We could play that!" Ryou suggested brightly.  
  
Yugi coughed embarassedly. "Um, I don't think so. Yami's been adding every spider card he can to our deck, just in case he plays Marik again."  
  
"Oh." Ryou looked dejected for a moment.  
  
"But we could play other games!" Yugi told him hurriedly. "We could have a game night where we play board games and different card games!"  
  
"Yes!" Ryou answered happily. "It meets all of the requirements!"  
  
"Thank goodness we thought of something," Yugi said with relief. "I mean, we're supposed to meet here tonight, and we had nothing planned!"  
  
Ryou nodded. He had a sneaking suspicion, however, that their list of requirements was going to grow longer after tonight.  
  
  
  
"So, what idiocy is planned for tonight?" The comment, of course, was from Bakura. All of them were sitting around the kitchen table of the Moto house.  
  
"Um, we're going to have a game night!" Yugi told him.  
  
"Duel Monsters!" Yami, Marik, and Bakura all shouted it at once. They glared at one another, realizing that they had just agreed about something.  
  
"No, not Duel Monsters," Ryou informed them. "Board games, like Monopoly and Parcheesi!"  
  
"Cheese?" Yami asked, confused.  
  
"No, Par-cheez-ee," Yugi corrected, sounding it out slowly. "It's like Sorry. Remember when we played that?"  
  
"Do you have to actually be sorry to play?" asked Bakura. "Because thieves are never sorry for anything!"  
  
"Hey!" Ryou exclaimed. "You mean you weren't sorry when you apologized for breaking my toaster yesterday?"  
  
"Well," said Bakura, "that's kind of like saying sorry to myself, you being my light half and all. That's allowed."  
  
"Oookay," said Yugi, taking a deep breath. "Moving on. No, Bakura, in Sorry you don't actually have to be sorry, Parcheesi has nothing to do with cheese, and don't say anything," he added, the last directed at Marik and Malik, who feigned hurt.  
  
"I like Monopoly," said Yami. "I have played that before."  
  
"Whoever disagrees with the Pharaoh, raise your hand!" Marik announced. Malik immediately raised his hand. Bakura sat, looking torn between seeming to agree with Yami or seeming to agree with Marik. Finally, he told them, "I want to play whatever neither one of you wants to play!"  
  
"This is not going well," Ryou muttered to Yugi.  
  
"You're telling me," said Yugi.  
  
Just then, Yugi's Grandpa walked in, bearing a tray. "Who wants sugar cookies?" he asked, smiling.  
  
Yugi looked horrified and lunged at his grandfather. "GRANDPA, NO!" he screamed. "NOT SUGAR!"  
  
Grandpa looked shocked. "But, Yugi, they have chocolate chips in them, your favo-"  
  
"NO, BAKURA!" Ryou yelled, grabbing a fistful of his yami's hair. Bakura, finding that Yami and Marik's chairs blocked him from getting around the table, had decided on the simple expedient of climbing over.  
  
"But it's chocolate!" Bakura protested. "Chocolate, Ryou! I NEED some! Ow! My hair!"  
  
"No! I get them all!" Yami exclaimed. He, like Yugi, lunged at Grandpa and the cookies, but for a far different reason.  
  
"YAMI!" Yugi cried. "No! No more sugar!"  
  
"You're all idiots," Malik proclaimed loudly. Everyone stopped and looked at him. Unnoticed, he and Marik had each gotten one of the cookies that had flown across the room after Yugi's initial assault on the tray. Now Malik held up his cookie, and grinned. "These are really good." Marik's mouth was too full to talk properly, but he, too grinned rather maniacally.  
  
"ARRGGHH!" Bakura yelled, and leaped across the table, dragging poor Ryou with him. He tried to snatch Malik's cookie, but all he got for his efforts was a hard 'whack!' with the Millennium Rod. Several hard 'whacks!' actually, since Marik was hitting him, too.  
  
Again, Yugi had managed to calm Yami down. Grandpa had fled for his life, taking the rest of the cookies with him.  
  
"So," Yugi said glumly, "Does anyone want to play a board game?"  
  
"I do," Yami said. "But I want a cookie." he trailed off, looking pleadingly at Yugi.  
  
"No," Yugi said firmly.  
  
Ryou dragged Bakura back across the table, and sat on him to stop him from moving.  
  
"I could get you off, you know," Bakura reminded him.  
  
"But you won't," Ryou said, with more confidence than he felt.  
  
"Why not?" Bakura asked him with a grin.  
  
"Because if you do, I'll go and sit by Yami."  
  
"You wouldn't!" Bakura looked at his hikari with a horrified expression on his face.  
  
"I would," Ryou informed him.  
  
This, of course, made Bakura behave, although he did occasionally mutter about his so-called 'innocent' light being too good at manipulation.  
  
Malik took about ten minutes to finish his cookie. Between mouthfuls, he told them all how delicious it was. Yami fingered his knife, Bakura's Ring glowed ominously, and Yugi was about ready to strangle the Tomb Keeper.  
  
"All right," said Ryou, once Malik was done. "I think we should play Monopoly, since Yami was the only one who suggested a game."  
  
Marik glared at Yami, and then at Ryou. "Just because he was Pharaoh for a few lousy years."  
  
"Don't glare at my hikari!" Bakura said in a deadly tone.  
  
"It's fine, Bakura," Ryou sighed.  
  
Yugi got the Monopoly game out of the cupboard. "Okay," he said. "Now, we all have to pick our pieces."  
  
"I want this one," Marik said, grabbing the board.  
  
"No, I mean out of these little pieces," Yugi told him, rolling his eyes. "There's a thimble, a car, a dog, a wheelbarrow, a boot, a top hat, a man on a horse, and an iron."  
  
"I want the car!" Malik announced.  
  
"I get the car," Bakura snapped.  
  
"I'm getting up," Ryou warned him. The thief looked sulky, and put his arms around his hikari to ensure that he did not move.  
  
"I get the hat!" Yami said, taking it.  
  
Yugi looked puzzled. "Why? I didn't know you liked hats."  
  
"Well, I can't wear them with a haircut like this," Yami said, shrugging. "And it reminds me of a crown." he gazed dreamily into the air. Marik made a sort of gagging, hacking noise.  
  
"I want the man on the horse," said Bakura, snatching it. "Even though the man looks like an idiot."  
  
Marik chose the iron, for some inexplicable reason. Ryou took the dog (after explaining to the four indignant Egyptians that no, there was not a cat in the game, and no, cats were not considered to be more sacred than dogs anymore). Yugi took the wheelbarrow, judging it to be the best of the remaining options. Ryou then passed out the money, since he had volunteered to be the banker.  
  
"Now," said Yugi, "the point of this game is to collect as many properties as possible." He pointed to the property cards. Instantly, there was a small riot as Marik, Bakura, and Yami all tried to grab as many as possible.  
  
"Here! Yugi, here's two for you!" Yami cried, waving them around.  
  
"I got the most! Muahahahahaha!" Bakura laughed evilly, holding up nine property cards.  
  
A second later, all of Bakura's and Yami's cards vanished. "What the-" Bakura said, dumbfounded. Yami cursed in Egyptian. Marik looked quite smug.  
  
"Uh-oh," said Malik, actually sounding sheepish.  
  
"What?" asked Yugi suspiciously.  
  
"He just banished all their properties to the Shadow Realm," Malik replied.  
  
Yugi said something unintelligible, but it sounded like "ERKLGHF."  
  
"What does that mean?" Yami asked him curiously.  
  
"It means, we're done with Monopoly!" Ryou pronounced, standing up and putting the pieces away. "It violates a rule on the list, anyway, Yugi. The 'no opportunity for theft one', remember?"  
  
Yugi said "Erklghf" again, but not as loud this time.  
  
"We'll play something with simpler rules next," Ryou said.  
  
A/N: Okay, this one's going long.it'll be a two-parter, like bowling. I got multiple suggestions for board games, after all. Next, they shall play Scrabble! Muahahaha! Oh, and a note to Bakuraluva: Everyone says, thanks for the presents. Ryou says thanks especially for the sugar-free candy. Of course, he didn't tell 'Kura it was sugar-free! To everyone reading this, please leave a review! They help me write faster! ^_^ 


	6. Board Games, part two

A/N: More presents!! GOODY!!!! Here's the official thank yous!  
  
Thank you from everyone to Jennilyn Maxwell, who gave gifts of candy canes, marshmallows, chocolate, and soundproof/Shadow Magic proof bubbles! ^_____^  
  
Bakura: CCCHHHHOOOOCCCOOOLLLAATTTEE! Yami: MMMAAAARRRSSSHHHHHHMMMMMMAAAALLLLLOOOOWWWSSS! Ryou: Thanks especially for those bubbles. ^_^ Yugi: Definitely. ^_^  
  
Thank you to Senshichan14 for EVERYTHING! How did you know that what I wanted was a car that drives itself and plays Yu-Gi-Oh episodes in the original Japanese with subtitles!!!??? OMG! By the way, I have it on good authority that Bakura now sings the Herbal Essences theme song in the shower since you gave him the shampoo, and Yami is addicted to some sort of Doom game. Oh, and Ryou says the leash works wonders when he has to take 'Kura to the supermarket. Hmm. Malik: SHE CALLED ME SUPER SEXY AND GAVE ME SUGAR! Authoress: Oh, yeah, Malik says thanks! ^__^  
  
A special note to I luv Kai: Thanks you so much for reviewing every chapter of both my YGO stories! I appreciate it big time!! ^__^  
  
Thank you also to EVERYONE who reviewed! That's a great present by itself!  
  
Disclaimer: I was just thinking, if I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, I'd be so lazy that I'd probably put out, like, an episode a month. Maybe. So it's awfully good for all of us that I don't own it, eh? Point being, I don't own it, or any other names that ought to have that little registered trademark symbol next to them.  
  
"Now we pick letters," Ryou said. "Whoever gets the letter closest to the beginning of the alphabet goes first."  
  
"No use of Shadow Magic to cheat," Yugi warned.  
  
"Why are you looking at me?" Marik asked, full of righteous indignation. "I don't cheat!"  
  
Yami and Bakura both snorted loudly. Marik made a gesture in their direction that Yugi and Ryou assumed had been quite impolite in Egypt.  
  
"Who picks a letter first?" Malik asked innocently.  
  
"Well, I thought we'd just start from one person, then go around clockwise.." Yugi said.  
  
"But which person?" Malik persisted, somehow maintaining an angelic expression.  
  
"Alphabetically by first name," Bakura announced.  
  
"Alphabetically by first name, going through the alphabet backwards," Yami corrected.  
  
"Prettiest," Marik said. Everyone stared. He shrugged.  
  
"Coolest hair," Malik said, smiling evilly.  
  
"Agreed," Yami, Bakura, and Marik said simultaneously.  
  
Yugi sighed and smacked himself in the forehead. "No! This is not argue about who has the coolest hair night, it's GAME NIGH-"  
  
"Mine is the best, by far," Marik informed the others.  
  
"Well, mine is natural," said Bakura smugly.  
  
"Is not!" Malik exclaimed. "You formed it when you got a body of your own! That doesn't count! Mine, on the other hand," he said, grinning wider, "is completely natural!"  
  
"Says the one who owns forty-five bottles of hair gel," Marik said sarcastically.  
  
"I"LL PICK FIRST!" Ryou shouted.  
  
"Well, you are the prettiest," Bakura said, looking at him thoughtfully (as best he could with the boy still on his lap).  
  
"THAT"S NOT THE POINT!" Ryou yelled. "I'M GOING FIRST SO WE CAN PLAY THE GAME!"  
  
"He doesn't look that loud," Marik commented. "I'm surprised."  
  
Ryou reached into the bag of Scrabble letters and took one out. He took a deep breath before speaking again. "I got an R. Darn."  
  
Marik extended a hand. "My turn!"  
  
"No, it's my turn!" Bakura objected.  
  
"DON'T ARGUE!" Ryou practically screamed. "YOU'LL GO LAST! IF YOU COMPLAIN I WILL GO AND SIT ON YAMI'S LAP, AND I AM NOT KIDDING, TOMB ROBBER!"  
  
"And I thought you had lost it after bowling," Yami whispered to Yugi.  
  
Bakura did something then no one had expected. He turned his eyes downwards and said meekly, "Yes, hikari."  
  
Choosing the letters went pretty smoothly after that, since everyone was in shock over the Tomb Robber's apparent humility. In the end, Marik got a 'B', so he went first.  
  
"Heh, heh," he chuckled, looking at his letters. He began to lay them down. "S-H-I-"  
  
"Hey," Yugi protested. "No bad language!"  
  
"No corrupting my hikari!" Yami exclaimed.  
  
"I know swear words, Yami," Yugi told him with a laugh. "I'm sixteen now, remember? Anyway, I hang around with Jou and Honda, and they swear a lot."  
  
"Oh." Yami appeared slightly puzzled (no pun intended). "But I've never heard you use profanity."  
  
"I was putting down the word 'shipped'," Marik said, annoyed. Both Yugi and Yami stared at him blankly for a moment. "Oh, for the game," Yugi said, remembering.  
  
Malik rolled his eyes in disgust at the two, as his yami laid the rest of the letters down. "There," he pronounced. "What's my score?"  
  
"Actually," Ryou said, "You get fifty extra points because you used all of your letters! Let's see.that's eighty points! Wow, on your first turn!"  
  
"NO!" Yami protested. "I'M the King of Games! I must win!"  
  
"Well, it's your turn," Marik said smugly.  
  
"Fine!" Yami announced. "At least my word is more interesting." Using the 'I' in the word 'shipped', he put down 'L-I-G-H-T'. He smiled at Yugi, who smiled back.  
  
"Stupid," said Marik, leaning backwards in his chair. "You only got nine points!"  
  
Yami's eyes glinted ominously. "You dare offend me, Tomb Keeper?"  
  
"Offense! Offense on you!" Marik screeched happily, pointing the Millennium Rod at him. "Oh, no, now I've offended the Pharaoh! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!"  
  
The last sound was produced as Yami pulled out a large spider he'd had in a matchbox in his pocket for three days. Marik frantically leaped into Malik's lap. The boy gave a startled 'oof'. Bakura laughed hysterically.  
  
"THIS IS A DISASTER!" Ryou screamed at the ceiling.  
  
--------- --------  
  
Yugi stared gloomily at the broken remains of the dining room table. Marik had blasted it with the Rod about forty times, apparently forgetting that he could just send the spider to the Shadow Realm. Yami and Bakura had laughed their heads off the entire time, at least until Marik had aimed some of the energy bolts at them.  
  
"Ow," Yami said feebly. He'd caught a bolt in the leg.  
  
"Owwww," Bakura moaned dramatically, not to be outdone. Then again, he had taken one of the bolts in his head, so he probably was in more pain.  
  
"Oh, stop whining," Ryou snapped, then looked alarmed. "Did I say that?"  
  
Yugi nodded glumly. "I think we're both acquiring personality disorders. How the heck did we end up in a fight over Scrabble, anyway?"  
  
"I like you angry," Bakura told Ryou, who sighed.  
  
Marik and Malik, thank goodness, had left in a huff-but not before informing Yami of all the ways they could think of to kill him. Well, Ryou thought, probably not ALL the ways, just the most unpleasant.  
  
"Hmm," said Yugi suddenly. "Personality disorders? That gives me an idea for next week's activity!"  
  
A/N: I might do game night again later, since I got so many suggestions for it, and I like writing it! Sooooooo, what is Yugi's idea? I'M NOT TELLING YET! MUAHAHAHAHA! Er, sorry, I'm being influenced by the characters! I'm going crazy! Wait, I already was... Anyway, please review! ^_____^ 


	7. Therapy?

A/N: Ah, the next installment in this delightful saga, uh, epic, uh, thing. Actually, I'm not sure what it is! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superthing!! Riiiight, anyway, pay me no mind. I pay myself no mind, because I have none! Long live SUGAR!!!!!!!! (Because the author is temporarily unable to type *cougheatingchocolatecough*, someone slightly more sane will say what she actually wanted to say here) Marik: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bow to me, insubordinate mortal fools! (Because someone saner could not be located, the author will continue rambling) Ms. Thoughts: No, no more rambling. Really. I wanted to say thank you to all my reviewers, because without you, I'd probably be-well, let's think- I'd probably be feeding a can of tuna to my fifty mutant cats-er, something like that. Anyway, thanks for R&R'ing! Oh, also, I just noticed that italics don't show up when I upload stuff (don't know why), so I'm using /blah/ for italics. Okay? Okay.  
  
Disclaimer: Ah, to own Yu-Gi-Oh!, or the rights to some other excellent anime show/game/manga series. Unfortunately I don't. Sigh.  
  
Marik and Malik grinned at each other over a piece of paper. "This /is/ interesting," Marik said, grinning rather insanely, as always. "Really kind of pathetic, but interesting."  
  
"That's what I thought," Malik replied. "Now, I'm sure we can come up with something that violates most of these-ah-guidelines. The only problem will be convincing the brats to let us plan something.." He glanced at his yami.  
  
"Don't worry," Marik assured him, smiling predatorily. "I have an idea, so long as you're willing to do a bit of acting."  
  
"Excellent," Malik said, folding Yugi and Ryou's list and putting it in his pocket. "Next week we can have some /real/ fun."  
  
"Um," said Ryou. "Yugi? I think we have a small problem." The two boys were walking along Yugi and Yami's street.  
  
Yugi glanced over. "Don't tell me you can't find /anyone/ who'll help us with group therapy," he groaned.  
  
"That's exactly it," Ryou told him. "I think Bakura has seen every therapist in Domino! Even Alcoholics Anonymous refuses to have him again!" Yugi looked sideways at the other boy.  
  
In answer to the unspoken question, Ryou sighed and responded, "That was when I was /really/ desperate that I took him there. Remember, after he robbed the psychiatrist?" They both stared into space for a second, remembering. "So you can't find anyone?" Yugi finally said.  
  
"No," Ryou said glumly. "The school counselor still has nervous breakdowns when he hears the name 'Bakura'. When he saw me, he locked himself in his office. I don't know if he's come out yet."  
  
Just then, they heard someone calling them. "Hi, Yugi! Hi Ryou!" Yugi blinked when he saw who it was greeting them in such a friendly tone. It was Malik.  
  
"Um, hi?" Ryou replied, as surprised as Yugi. He had honestly thought that Malik was glued to his dark half. No one had seen them separately in months. "Where's Marik?"  
  
"I wanted to talk to you guys alone," said Malik cheerfully. It was the first time they'd heard him sound happy unless he was talking about fire, blood, vengeance (which often had to do with fire and/or blood), or Marik.  
  
"Okay," said Yugi, really hoping this didn't mean Malik wanted to murder them. "About what?"  
  
"Well," the Egyptian boy began, "I heard you were having trouble finding a therapist who would talk to us, right?"  
  
"Right," said Yugi cautiously.  
  
"So, I was thinking, there's this one new kind of therapy I've been wanting to try. I know some people who could get us in, if you'd like." Malik actually sounded shy, worried that they'd reject his idea.  
  
If Yugi and Ryou hadn't been so down already, they probably would have been suspicious. Yami or Bakura would've seen right through Malik's little charade, and laughed in his face. As it was, though, two kind, sensitive boys whose minds weren't working entirely properly had no chance.  
  
"That sounds great," said Yugi warmly. "Thanks, Malik!"  
  
"You're welcome!" said Malik, grinning. "See you around!"  
  
"Wow," said Ryou, staring after him. "I didn't know he could be so nice."  
  
*Mission accomplished!* Malik said to Marik gleefully. Both of them laughed.  
  
"This is not therapy!" Ryou shouted.  
  
"Well, if you look at it in a certain way, it is," Malik informed him, his smile demonic.  
  
"NO IT'S NOT!" Ryou yelled back. "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE YOU!"  
  
"I can," Marik commented. "Easily."  
  
"You're such idiots!" Ryou exclaimed angrily. "I ought to strangle you both!" Then he rounded on Bakura, who was smirking. "What are you so happy about, anyway?"  
  
The grin didn't leave the Tomb Robber's face. "I'm obviously a good influence for you. Do you know how much you look and sound like me right now?" His arm snaked around his hikari. "We could make an even better team if you like killing obnoxious people, too."  
  
"See? We're bringing out the best in him," Malik pointed out. "You should thank us."  
  
"People are looking at us strangely," Ryou said through gritted teeth. "Please, just all of you behave for once."  
  
"No, they're looking at the stupid Pharaoh," said Marik, waving a hand in dismissal.  
  
Yami was asking Yugi numerous questions, his eyes shining. Of course, that made the red of his eyes stand out even more. Everyone was glancing at him sideways.  
  
Yugi wasn't really mad at Malik and Marik. Yami was enjoying what they'd planned, that was for sure. However, he had noticed people staring. *Yami, please, ask me things through the soul link now, all right?*  
  
**This /is/ what they show on television, correct?** Yami asked, complying immediately with his light's request.  
  
Yugi laughed a little. *Yes, Yami, it is.*  
  
Ryou was shaking his head. "I'm just surrounded by lunatics. I can't believe WE'RE AT A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING MATCH!"  
  
"I hear front row seats to these things can be very therapeutic," said Malik, doing his best to look hurt. "I only wanted to help."  
  
"No you didn't," Ryou muttered, trying not to even think of killing Malik.  
  
**You should kill him. You could borrow one of my knives,** Bakura offered silently.  
  
"Maybe you should take up wrestling, Ryou," Malik suggested. "As a way to work off that anger, hmm?"  
  
*I might take you up on that, 'Kura* Ryou replied silently, eliciting a laugh of delight from aforementioned yami.  
  
"Hey, man," said a rough looking guy on the other side of Marik. "You wanna bet on the match? I got fifty says the Exterminator wins."  
  
"I'll wager with you," Marik agreed. "I've seen the Mangler on television. He could definitely crush the Exterminator."  
  
"Yeah, sure," said the guy, rolling his eyes. "We'll just see, buddy."  
  
"You do know this is not exactly a fight, don't you?" Malik asked Marik. "It's rigged."  
  
"So, they cheat?" Marik replied, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Duh," said Bakura, utilizing one of his favorite modern expressions. "Of course they cheat."  
  
Yami, unfortunately, heard this. "What? They /cheat/?"  
  
"Well, yes," Yugi admitted. "No one could do the things they do for real. But they are really athletic."  
  
Yami frowned and sat back in his chair, no longer staring intently at the ring. "Ah. I see."  
  
Then, the wrestling match actually started. The only ones paying attention were Malik, and Marik, who, of course, had just bet fifty dollars on it. Yami was sulking, having discovered that his favorite television sport wasn't entirely truthful. As he put it to Yugi, **They're just like Bakura!** Yugi was trying to coax him out of his depression. Bakura was happily filling Ryou's mind with images of painful ways to kill Malik. Ryou was busy trying to ignore him.  
  
The Mangler smashed a chair over the Exterminator's head. Marik smiled triumphantly.  
  
Then, a scream and several shouts rang out. A young, female snack vendor had walked by calling, "Candy! Candy right here!" A second later, she had been literally assaulted by a 'stupid lunatic' as she was to describe him later.  
  
"I need some!" Bakura announced loudly, snatching as many boxes as possible. "You have to pay for that!" Ryou yelled desperately.  
  
"How long have you stopped him from having sugar?" Yugi asked Ryou, wide- eyed.  
  
"Since this morning, when he devoured all the Lucky Charms!" Ryou said. "'Kura, STOP!"  
  
Just at that moment, Bakura was hit on the head by the Millennium Puzzle. Yami was wielding it by the chain with remarkable accuracy. Bakura looked surprised for a moment, then fell over.  
  
"Stupid crazy people!" the vendor screamed. "I'm notifying my supervisor!" She stormed away.  
  
"Wait, I can pay---" Ryou started to call after her. "Oh, great. Now we'll be accused of stealing."  
  
"I feel better now," Yami informed Yugi, smiling.  
  
"No!" Marik said suddenly. "These contests are rigged! I will not pay you! You obviously have inside information!"  
  
"Listen, pal, we bet fair and square!" the man said angrily. "You don't look tough enough to pick a fight with m-" Then he froze. Literally. He was unable to move. The Millennium Rod's glow faded as Marik smiled smugly.  
  
"Okay, this is probably our cue to go," Ryou said nervously to Yugi. Irritated wrestling fans were glaring at the six of them.  
  
"Agreed," said Yugi. "Come on, Yami! Help Ryou carry Bakura, please?" Yami seemed about to argue, until Yugi gave him his best puppy-dog eyes. "And unfreeze that man? Wait until we're farther away," he added, glancing at the angry expression on the man's face. Yami nodded.  
  
"And, I'll say it again, THIS IS NOT THERAPY, MALIK!" shouted Ryou as they left the arena as fast as possible, given that they were hauling along an unconscious Bakura.  
  
A/N: Heh heh. Nope, definitely not therapeutic. Thanks to the Suffering Muse, who gave me the wrestling idea, and thanks to everyone who's reviewed! ^____________^ Please leave me a review, cause I love getting them! 


	8. Swimming, or not

A/N: Hello, readers! I would like to say a few words now. I mean besides the ones I just said. I have gotten two reviews suggesting I add Kaiba and Jounouchi to Ryou and Yugi's plans. I wanted to ask what everyone else thought. I, personally, could think of some interesting twists if I added those two...but give me your opinion! Okay? Oh, and, MalletWielderofDoom (love the new name! ^_^) commented that Marik and Malik were the only couple who really got along...I think my perception of them this way came from this one fanart pic I saw. It's at http://www.janime.biz/images/FanArt/Malik/01/17.jpg . I hope the link comes up when I upload this, or you'll have to type it in yourself. There's a Yami/Yugi one I like a lot, too, but I don't have the link immediately handy. Anyway, it's very cute, with both of them sitting on the grass together. It's on the same site, so go look! And also, there's a lot of good Tomb Robber Bakura pics there.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Yu-Gi-Oh. I just like messing with the characters' heads. Heh.  
  
"Yugi?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I was just reading a self-help book."  
  
Yugi looked up from his Duel Monsters magazine. "Did it help?"  
  
"Well, it said to be happy, you should set yourself realistic goals," Ryou told him. "You know how we're trying to get Yami, Bakura, Marik, and Malik to be friends?"  
  
"Oh, yeah," Yugi said, "I forgot that was what we were trying to do. I thought we were trying not to die."  
  
"No, if we wanted to do that, we could just avoid each other," Ryou said with a grim laugh. "Anyway, I thought we could set ourselves a new, more attainable goal."  
  
"Like what?" Yugi asked curiously.  
  
"Well, like enlisting Bakura and Yami to help us turn Marik and Malik into piles of dust," Ryou suggested.  
  
"Good idea!" Yugi replied, laughing.  
  
"Yes, excellent," a voice purred. Both boys jumped.  
  
"'Kura!" Ryou yelped. "You scared me!" Then his eyes widened. "You heard that?!"  
  
"Absolutely," the Tomb Robber said. "It's one of the best ideas you've ever had."  
  
"One of them?" Ryou gave his yami a strange look. "What other ideas of mine have you liked?" Bakura smiled and whispered something into his ear. Ryou turned an interesting shade of pink. "Oh."  
  
"I'll go tell the Pharaoh about your new idea!" Bakura said brightly. "I'm certain he'll love it."  
  
Before Ryou or Yugi could say anything, he was gone.  
  
"I thought he was busy with the Internet?" Yugi asked Ryou.  
  
"Ah, um, he was," Ryou said, still blushing a bit. "Maybe Yami kicked him out?"  
  
"I don't think so," Yugi informed him. "There would have been more screams and explosions. Anyway, Yami's upstairs watching Egypt week on the History channel. He wouldn't leave that for the Net."  
  
Ryou sighed. "Well, now we're going to have to explain to the both of them that we didn't mean it."  
  
"Yami, did Bakura talk to you?" Yugi called as the hikaris walked up the stairs.  
  
"Yes, he did," Yami replied from the bedroom. "He said we're going swimming."  
  
"Well that's a relief," Yugi sighed, then frowned and ran into the room with Yami. "Wait. Swimming? What?"  
  
"I took the liberty of deciding what our next activity will be," Bakura announced cheerfully. It seemed he had materialized next to Ryou.  
  
"ACK!" Ryou pronounced, opening his eyes wide. *You almost gave me a heart attack!*  
  
**So, what do you think, Ryou? You like my idea?**  
  
*Um...should I?*  
  
Meanwhile, Yugi was questioning Yami. (Um, you and Bakura don't have anything-er-planned, right?)  
  
((No, of course not,)) Yami replied. ((At least, I don't think so,)) he added. ((He was making some sort of evil speech a moment ago, but they were showing my great grandfather's tomb, so I don't know what he said up until 'going swimming'. Sorry, aibou.))  
  
(That's all right, Yami,) Yugi assured him. (I know you love Egypt week. But Yami,) Yugi said, remembering the last time they'd gone swimming, (If we go to the pool, you have to promise to wear swim trunks.)  
  
((Of course, hikari,) Yami said, sounding a bit surprised. ((I recall what happened the last time. I don't want you to be upset over that again.))  
  
(Promise you'll wear them /the whole time/,) Yugi told his dark firmly.  
  
((I swear I will, koi.))  
  
(And I wasn't exactly the one who was upset,) Yugi said fondly. (I think that old lady wasn't happy, though.)  
  
**My, you are suspicious, hikari,** Bakura said to Ryou, laughing.  
  
*It's just that we let two lunatics plan our outing last week,* Ryou responded in an irritated-but-patient way. *I think there's a monthly limit on that.*  
  
**Oh, come on,** Bakura pleaded. **A nice relaxing pool would be so-**  
  
*Don't start,* Ryou snapped. *Okay, fine. You plan it. But if anything happens, I'll know it's /your/ fault.*  
  
@@@@@@@@@  
  
"This was not my fault, hikari," Bakura stated. "I hope you don't think so- ?" he raised an eyebrow.  
  
Ryou managed to say, "No, 'Kura, I'm not even suspicious."  
  
"/I/ wore a bathing suit, Yugi," Yami said, with a pained expression.  
  
All Yugi could say was, "Uh-huh." He wore an expression of complete shock. Ryou, Bakura, Yami, and Yugi had met at Domino City Public Pool at the prearranged time of two o'clock. Marik and Malik, however, had decided on arriving early...minus bathing suits.  
  
Yugi, personally, could have credited it as an honest mistake. After all, Yami had been completely clueless as to the fact that one needed to be properly attired to swim in this day and age. Yes, Yugi would have written it off to that...except that he'd been swimming with Malik before, and at that point, the Egyptian had been perfectly well aware of swimming pool dress code.  
  
"Finally, that annoying man left," Marik announced from the pool. "His shouting really took away from the relaxing atmosphere."  
  
"It's called a LIFEGUARD!" Ryou yelled back. "He JUST ran by us, SCREAMING that he was going to call the police!"  
  
"You need to wear something to swim," Yami informed the two helpfully. "You idiotic fools."  
  
"The pool is far less crowded this way," Malik pointed out.  
  
"So, Ryou," Bakura said conversationally. "May I go through with my plan to drown them?"  
  
"Your what?" Ryou asked dazedly.  
  
"Oh, that's right, I didn't tell you," Bakura 'remembered'. "The reason we came to swim was because I thought it would be the best, quietest way to kill them. Don't you agree?"  
  
"Um, sure."  
  
"Okay, now we have to get out of here before the police come and arrest us all for indecent exposure," Yugi said worriedly.  
  
"They won't ever be getting out of that pool," Bakura fairly cackled.  
  
"Oh good. Homocide," Yugi groaned.  
  
"Hmm. It might be a good idea," Ryou said speculatively.  
  
"You know, swimming really is better without these 'swim trunks'," Yami told Yugi thoughtfully. "In Ancient Egypt-"  
  
"I hear sirens, really close," Yugi interrupted suddenly.  
  
"Kill them, quick!" Ryou told Bakura, who grinned. "Er-no, wait, I didn't mean that..."  
  
Fortunately, it was right then that the police actually arrived. "Everybody freeze!"  
  
Unfortunately, it was right about then that Bakura had pulled out a knife from somewhere.  
  
@@@@@@@@@  
  
Later, at the police station  
  
"Hey, this is actually very relaxing," Ryou told Yugi. "We should have done this earlier."  
  
"What, gone to the police station to bail someone out?" Yugi asked. "Yeah, I'm wondering why we hadn't thought of this before."  
  
((Please, aibou?)) Yami pleaded with Yugi for the seventh time. ((I want to go back there and laugh at them.))  
  
(No, Yami,) Yugi replied, although sorely tempted.  
  
"Bakura Ryou?" A police officer asked.  
  
"Yes, that's me," Ryou sighed.  
  
"You're paying the bail on-" the officer squinted at a piece of paper. "Bakura Yami?"  
  
"Yes," Ryou sighed again.  
  
"Come on back and get him," the officer said.  
  
Bakura was being held in a cell with Marik and Malik. "Thank you for bailing me out, hikari," he said smugly as the policeman opened the cell door.  
  
"And us?" Marik asked, looking anxious for the first time in his life (or death, or whatever).  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes and walked out, dragging a smirking Bakura along.  
  
"You'll be sorry!" Malik screeched after them.  
  
"They should be thankful we brought them their clothes," Ryou muttered.  
  
A/N: They needed that, I think. A couple days in prison ought to be character building for those two...or not. I don't remember who all reviewed in for swimming, but it was several people, who I will list when I get un- lazy enough to look it up. Thank you very much to everyone who's reviewed! 


End file.
